WHAT I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS...PERMISSION

Recently, I came across a great quote prompting caregivers to consider taking a break: An Iphone doesn't ask permission to be charged.

This got me thinking about our personal values and how they sometimes make caring harder than it needs to be. Do we give ourselves and our loved ones permission to be imperfect? 

Last week, I blogged about re-thinking self-care. I posted that blog on The Caregivers' Living facebook page and lots of people wrote to express their thoughts and feelings about self-care. Shannon wrote this: Self care during crises - for me, this means stripping out all the unnecessaries. It means giving myself permission to serve microwaved dinners instead of cooking meals, online grocery shopping and Walmart parking lot pick up, even deciding that bills can be paid 2 weeks late and for now I will just give myself permission to do only what absolutely must be done.

Ann wrote: As an eldest and a solo mama, i can really relate to other families (mostly solo mamas) who get 'it', and the meditation outside of a kitchen window that overlooks a rather unkempt yard that nourishes many birdies and other critters who fly in for various seeds and snacks, to the joy i feel when i can actually wander/walk around without 5000 things on the to-do list invading my head space, or the once-in-a-blue moon chance to dance with other 'hip-types'... and a really good psychological thriller and even better murder mysteries/novels... how delicious!

So, for Christmas this year, let's all wish for permission to have a messy house, a shared memory instead of a dust-free window sill, a chocolate bar for dessert, a few minutes to watch the birds instead of paying bills and time to hold hands before the dishes get done. 

And let's give ourselves permission to love our loved ones as they are - in all their imperfections. And love ourselves with the same loving, generous heart. 

The Care-Less Christmas Dinner

I am a self-confessed foodie.  At Christmas, it's ridiculous - I start baking for the freezer in early November and I try hard not to eat everything before December 25th.  Now, with my intensive caregiving days and years behind me, I can indulge my passion for baking the perfect shortbread cookie or mince pie.

But it hasn't always been so.  I remember the year that Nicholas was so nauseated from a recurrent gastro condition that an x-ray of his abdomen revealed part of his stomach had herniated above his diaphragm.  Doctors said a surgery would be required and Christmas would be cancelled.  That was December 23rd in the early 1990s.  But sometimes all of us catch a break and the next day, Christmas Eve, we got the happy news that the stomach had somehow rearranged itself into its proper place.  We could go home!  I don't recall what we ate for dinner on the 25th, but I'm sure it wasn't fancy.

This year, I would like to offer my cook's solution to the Care-Less Christmas dinner.  If you don't have time to cook and you don't want to order out, you may be inspired to try this menu.

Appetizers:

Tipsy Tomatoes:
Put some cherry tomatoes in a pretty bowl.  On a plate, put a small bowl of salt for dipping, some toothpicks and a little glass of ice-cold vodka.  Guests can spear a tomato, dip it in the vodka and roll in salt. Delicious and fun!

Christmas Canapes:
Slice a cucumber into rounds.  On each round, put a dollop of blue cheese dip or a soft blue cheese.  Put a pecan or walnut on top.  Looks Christmassy and it's yummy.

Dinner:
Buy those cooked chickens from the rotisserie at the grocery store.  If you have several guests, put several on a tray.  Decorate with fresh rosemary sprigs and cranberries.

Mashed Sweet Potatoes:  Pierce sweet potatoes with a fork and microwave till soft at high power.  (each potato takes about 7 minutes).  After they are cool, they peel easily.  Mash with margarine and a bit of cumin if you like that.

Stuffing:  Make up a box of Stove-top stuffing and throw in a few chopped pecans and chopped dried apricots.

Frozen Peas:  Cook peas, toss in butter and a bit of grated lemon peel.

Dessert:
Buy decorated Christmas cookies and serve with candy cane ice cream.  My grocery store sells this at Holiday time, but if you don't have it, just crush candy canes and sprinkle them on vanilla ice cream.

Serve the dinner on pretty paper plates on a matching paper tablecloth.  I bought lovely things (surprise!) at the dollar store this year for my Mum's Christmas time birthday lunch.  With real flowers on the table, it looked beautiful and no washing up!

To all my fellow caregivers, I wish you a care-Less lead-up to Christmas.  I hope you can relax and enjoy the company of your loved ones.