The natural, loving care that family members provide to one
another is the engine of society. The care we give to those we love makes
all other work possible and is the key to our very survival individually and
collectively.
What exactly IS this care and how does it play out in families?
A mother arrives home from the hospital, newborn baby boy in her
arms. Family and friends arrive with casseroles and plates of
sandwiches. In a while, a friend invites the older children outside for a
ball game. The new father smiles and whispers to his wife, “I will look
after everything… you go and lie down with the baby. I’ll bring you some
tea.”
Everyone understands that building the bond between mother and
baby is sacred, especially in the first days and weeks of a new life.
Everyone understands that the mother’s most urgent task is to bond with and care for
her baby without distraction.
Years later, the same mother stumbles and falls. She has
broken her hip. Her husband has passed away and all the children, except one,
have moved to find work in cities far away. Her youngest son, the baby
she nursed so long ago, lives nearby. He is his mother’s caregiver.
Older brothers and sisters telephone and write, asking for daily
updates. They use technology and time saving apps to plan a schedule of rotating visits in
order to support their mother and their brother in his caring role. They
arrange for food to be delivered, the house to be cleaned and for neighbours to
drop in for the sake of helpful friendship. They do this so their brother
can give care to their mother without distraction.
‘I care for you because you cared for me’ represents the ethic of
reciprocity that children of the frail elderly cite as an important motivation
for caregiving and how Elizz changes lives every day. When caregivers decide to
devote time, energy and kindness to an elderly parent, they have made a moral
decision about what is right under the circumstances. And that moral
decision is one that is rooted in love. Parents of children with
disabilities or spouses of people with chronic illness make this decision,
too.
There is a saying “You can’t pour from an empty cup. Fill
yourself up first so you can then overflow.” When we see someone
giving care, we pour in her cup. And the pouring and overflowing repeats
itself in every family, in every culture.
A good place to start is the 5 Stages of
Caregiving Quiz found
from Elizz. Which Elizz
caregiver services are right for you?
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