My Mom’s apartment has its own unique time zone. At her place, minutes tick by but after four
or five hours, I realise that we haven’t accomplished very much at all. We’ve talked about going out, but we haven’t
(Mom doesn’t have ‘the poop’ to get dressed).
Instead, we’ve skyped grandchildren, looked for a missing pair of
scissors, I’ve run out for a few
groceries and later together, maybe labeled a few old photos. Suddenly, it’s time to leave. Where has the time gone?
A couple of days ago, I was listening to the radio and a colour blind artist was talking about the senses. He suggested that we have many more senses
than just the obvious ones of sight, touch, hearing, smell and taste. He talked about the sense of time and of
space, for example. I began to wonder
about caregiving and how adjusting to an altered sense of time and space is one
of our greatest challenges. Living
slowly challenges our assumptions of productivity in our ‘hurry up and get it
done’ world. We struggle to assign worth
and value to the slow time we spend with our loved ones who are elderly or have
disabilities. Inevitably, on leaving my
Mom’s place, I apologise for not getting more tasks accomplished. “I’m sorry I didn’t make that apple crisp I
promised”, I say. Mom shakes her head
and thanks me for my visit. “I just
wanted to see you and talk!” she scolds, smiling.
I guess it’s true that what goes around, comes around. Time zones for young children and elder loved
ones are remarkably similar. Here’s a
poem that I recall buoying my spirits when my babies were small:
What Did I Do Today
(Poems for Mothers)
(Poems for Mothers)
Today I
left some dishes dirty,
the bed got made around 3:30.
The diapers soaked a little longer,
The odor grew a little stronger.
the bed got made around 3:30.
The diapers soaked a little longer,
The odor grew a little stronger.
The
crumbs I spilled the day before
Are staring at me from the floor.
the fingerprints there on the wall
Will likely be there still next fall.
Are staring at me from the floor.
the fingerprints there on the wall
Will likely be there still next fall.
The
dirty streaks on those window panes
Will still be there next time it rains.
Shame on you, you sit and say,
Just what did you do today?
Will still be there next time it rains.
Shame on you, you sit and say,
Just what did you do today?
I held
a baby till she slept
I held a toddler while he wept.
I played a game of hide and seek,
I squeezed a toy so it would squeak.
I held a toddler while he wept.
I played a game of hide and seek,
I squeezed a toy so it would squeak.
I
pulled a wagon, sang a song,
Taught a child right from wrong.
What did I do this whole day through?
Not much that shows, I guess that's true.
Taught a child right from wrong.
What did I do this whole day through?
Not much that shows, I guess that's true.
Unless
you think that what I've done,
might be important to someone
with deep green eyes and soft brown hair,
If that is true....I've done my share.
might be important to someone
with deep green eyes and soft brown hair,
If that is true....I've done my share.
~
Author Unknown ~
I've decided not apologise to Mom anymore about tasks not not done. I'm going to try to relax into her time and space. It’s lovely there and besides, I can always hurry up another day in another space.
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