I recognized her instantly – a fellow caregiver with the
heart of a dreamer. Someone who strives
to decipher a meaning and purpose within the serious challenges that life
throws our way.
Ozioma Egwuonu is a wise
woman who presented to listening caregivers during CareNovate Magazine’s recentIMPACT80 Virtual Summit.
Ozioma described her mother’s
cancer in heartbreaking detail. This was
a loving daughter who is and always will be bereft without her Mom. But Ozioma did not hide away her grief – she
used it to learn personal lessons about resilience and balance in the life of a
long-term caregiver.
Here is a snippet of Ozioma’s
wisdom:
THE FOUR Bs of CAREGIVING
1)
BREATHE
Often, caregivers enter their
new role holding their breath. A
life-threatening diagnosis or a catastrophic event in the life of a loved turns
the world upside down. It’s a primal
reaction to breath-hold in such times of chaos and panic. So, Ozioma says, “Breathe. Breathe WITH your loved one. Engage in practices that allow YOU to breathe
easier. Life is going to happen as it is
supposed to happen.”
2)
BREAK (BREAKDOWNS AND BREAKTHROUGHS)
BREAKTHROUGHS: In the life of
every caregiver, there are epiphanies; moments of major realization. Ozioma suggests that we ask ourselves, “What
am I learning? How does this lesson
translate to other roles I have in my life?”
BREAKDOWNS: When things go terribly wrong, Ozioma advises
caregivers to cry together with their loved one. Breakdowns are inevitable and sharing them is
the way to move forward. “You are not at
odds with your loved one!” Break down can also mean to pull apart
intentionally. Ozioma suggests that
caregivers make a habit of breaking down responsibilities into goals and from
there, into small actions. In her talk,
she reminisced about constantly having a pad and pencil in hand, ready to make
notes about how to turn a gigantic challenge into a reasonable to-do list.
3)
BALANCE
“Hold your dreams together
for yourself and for your loved one. Ask
yourself, ‘what is essential here?’
Allow time and space for both your dreams and your loved one’s
needs. Sometimes, the balance of those
is tipped to one side. But when the
crisis eases, go back to your dreams!” Ozioma held on the dream of building her own business throughout her caregiving journey.
Part of achieving balance in
the face of sometimes very painful and chaotic circumstances is determining
what is essential. Ozioma suggests the
following technique.
Create an Effort List
Fold a piece of paper in half
every morning. On the first half, write,
“Where do I need to place my effort?” On
the second half of the paper, write, “What role do I need to play?”
Example: Effort is ‘calling doctor to receive test
results.’ Role to play: ‘loving
nurturer’
Another example: Effort is ‘cleaning the apartment’
Role to play is ‘the singing
street sweeper’ Thoughtful imagination is the rule here!
4)
BELIEVE
Believing in caregiving starts
with one, simple question – “What if I knew that I was capable?” Asking yourself this questions allows you to
believe that you ARE capable of meeting any challenge life throws at you and
your loved one. Ask too, “What if my
loved one was capable of giving me something every day?” Believing in personal capacity is the key to
a healthy ‘care eco-system’.
Ozioma suggests that every
caregiver can be an innovator.
Capability in caregiving means inventing new ways of giving care. It means inviting and enrolling others to
participate. By keeping the focus on
creating an enjoyable caregiving journey from beginning to end, it is possible
to inspire allies. But, says, Ozioma, it
is important to accept everyone as they are.
Each ally will have different gifts and unique contributions. Using the body as a metaphor, not everyone is
an arm! But those who are willing will
have something to contribute.
I am inspired by the 4 Bs - Breathe, Break, Balance and Believe. I hope you are too.
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